Sunday, October 5, 2014

Tolerance level

Having a child who requires any extra support takes a big, big toll on a marriage.  My husband is a fantastic dad.  He is great with the kids and he loves them unconditionally; unfortunately, his fuse is short and his ability to connect with others on an emotional level is pretty much nonexistent.  He doesn't have the ability to have deep conversations and his temper is short lately.  I know he knows why Landon gets frustrated and hits or throws a temper tantrum, but his reaction is never positive.  I try to model a nice way to go about it, but it falls on deaf ears.  I guess before you get married, you kind of assume things will just be ok.  Ii mean, what huge thing are you going to encounter early on in marriage?  Having kids changes most marriages, and I know many people I work with who are not happy in their marriages and have young kids, but any extra support needed, working hard on a variety of issues that others take for granted, weighs on you.  I think in a perfect marriage, each person would attempt to shoulder a half of it.  In my marriage, I would say I shoulder 90%, and most of it is the emotional piece.  It is exhausting.  It is isolating.  It can just build up.  I actually like the times I am home alone with both my kids and I don't have my husband over my back judging me on how I handled something.  Maybe he feels the same.  I like to just be with them and be us.  I keep praying for things to be clearer, easier, and for there to be a set path.

My husband doesn't read this, so that's that.  He doesn't ask many questions.  I know he is hurting, but he does not say anything.  It is lonely.

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