Acceptance

How do you get to the point that this is all ok?  That you accept this?  That you realize it is not all your fault?  I am not there yet, really not even close.  I still think of stupid things like taking that Aleve once before I knew I was pregnant, or giving him a medication or something.
It is hard.

But I read on the apraxia kids fb page that NT parents don't sit around and think boy I should not have done this or that, so why should we? Well, we do because society says something is wrong with our kids.  To society, our kids don't stack up.

It is very hard.

How do I cope?
and here is my advice:

(I think in the future my advice may change)

1) I try to only compare to us.  So I look at Logan a month ago and then now, not look at another 17 month old, because that hurts.

2) I hide most friends with kids on fb and I block them on instagram.  I can't see it, read it, watch it. I cannot

3) I rarely cry.  Why? because if I start, it would be everyday.  I typically just feel nauseous, worried, or sad, but I don't let it out.

4) Do what works for you  Yes Landon will hit me, no I don't put him in timeout everytime. It does not work for me, maybe it does for you.  I try to withhold the judgment on myself that I have to do xyz

5) Look for the positives. When you are a mom like me, an email saying Landon tried to talk, or colored for 1 minute, or tried to engage a peer, that is EVERYTHING to us. It can be a high that I need that will last as long as I try to keep it. It's the old emails I read when the days are tough.  Same way those comments build us up, we get knocked down by.. he can't do  or he won't do. Those ones kill. They kill so badly. I try to take them with a grain of salt.

6) and most important, we know our kids the best and we are the advocates.  There is no one going to come in and say something about my kids without consulting me. No one.  I make all the decisions. I read the goals. I ok everything. I like to stay in charge and I have to advocate.  All day long, they are on my mind and I do what I can each day.

Got to go, but those are them for now.