Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Being ostracized

I am an SLP.  I work with kids of all abilities, and let's be honest, my most significantly impaired kids do not have many friends, and some care, and some don't.  I have a boy with super high functioning ASD in 5th grade.  I usually see him eating lunch alone since I have to work down there during that lunch block.  I bring my Ipad down to lunch and he plays it, or I move him to another table to be with peers.  He tells me does not mind, but when he sits with his peers, he seems happier.  He is the best kid.  He tells me about his Autism, how it feels, and what ways he is different.  He also says he remembers when he could not talk and how that felt.  It is fascinating.

Luckily, the kids I have with apraxia here, are almost resolved.  One is so silly.  He always reminds me of Landon.  He laughs or jokes to get out of things and he is so cute and he knows it.  He will give me a big hug instead of repeating something he said.  He is also advanced in reading and in Prek, before he could speak, they called him Letter Jeffrey, since he knew all his letters but no words yet. 

Life is busy here.  I do get that.  Family support is very minimal.  My biggest supporter, for sure, is in paradise watching over us.  I often stop and I really do this, when I am with my kids and think what she thinks watching me.  I do pass on the love she taught me.  I know she is proud.  I also know she would be worried about my kids and would be researching new things all the time.  That's how she is.  My dad has no idea what to do to help.  Aside from Christmas, I really have not seen him.  Time flies by.  When I take them up to his house, it always feels dark and quiet and lonely. He never comes down to my house.  Maybe he is worried about them.  He does not say except to ask me how Landon's speech is.   I have a very typical, probably advanced, surely advanced! nephew who is so sweet and a very kind little boy. My dad does not really go out of his way with him either, but when they are together, it is probably more fun.  I get that.  My brother has an invisible disability too.  He stutters and is a huge advocate for that, but when it comes to my kids, he really does not bother with them.  Usually they are not even acknowledged.  At the baptism, I had Landon go say hi to David, because 10 minutes had passed, and it seemed like he was invisible.  They needs to be more acceptance, more trying to connect with them.  My boys are amazing.  My sister tries very hard, but she has two boys, and I am sure, is overwhelmed just with them, and 2 extra are hard!  She loves my kids though and celebrates each little step as huge like me. My boys are handfuls and a half.  That's pretty much it.  I don't want to force relationships on others.  My kids are amazing and it's their loss, but it still is our loss.  It very much so feels like our loss.

Happy Wednesday! 

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