The worst things to say to a special needs mom:

1) it's all in your head.  XYZ is fine, even when they are getting services prescribed by the state of new york.

2) I know a cousin, a family friend, who didn't talk to 2, 3, 4, 15, and he/she is fine today.

3)venting about their 2 year old who can only put 2 word sentences together and not 5-6 like another kiddo they saw.

4) I can't imagine how you are doing this.

5) I would not be able to do this....   so, basically, you would just pitch your kid then? really? that's such a lie. you DON'T want to do this (hey, me neither), but you would do it.

6) Wow I would never know... he looks so happy.  (didn't realize apraxia is visible??)

if you are looking for something to say:
1) notice a skill a child has picked up and say that you are proud, or see how hard they work
2) offer to babysit, come play, help
3) find the strengths in these kids
4) even better, say you would be proud for them to be yours..