Friday, March 6, 2015
The real bad moments
There are good and bad days, happy and sad moments. There are things I do that I am ashamed to admit, or times I feel I could have done better. Most importantly, I wake up everyday, gives the boys kisses and cuddles and tell them I love them. I also always talk to Landon about one day you will be able to tell me what you want to, and we both won't want to cry. I have had times where I have screamed at him, just say it, say what you want. I don't know what you want. He has looked at me, his little green eyes brimming with tears, and I want to cry to, and I have sometimes. I always give him a big hug afterwards, but there are definitely moments the frustration mounts, and you wish it was just easier, and not for me, I am an adult, I know pain and struggle, and it is ok. I just want it easier for THEM. Yesterday we were all tired and crabby. I was very annoyed, working hard to program a new AAC program and feel way over my head. I guess mostly I am so unsure, but everyday I have to try to do the very best I can with what I know.