update/thoughts

Here is what I have been thinking about:

I was crazy when I was pregnant with Landon.  I refused to eat any fruit not organic, since i was not sure of the pesticides.  I started crying when they asked me about the flu vaccine, and I just could not do it.  The doctor asked me what was wrong with me (he's a jerk sometimes).  I stayed at my sister's for almost a week when I had my hardwoods redone.  I covered my mouth anytime i walked near fresh paint at school and made a big deal about any of the walls being painted.  I ate no hotdogs, no lunch meat, I even did not eat seafood since I was not sure about mercury.  Landon was delivered by csection and I am hoping the head molding did not cause this, but that just started the last 2 hours when I tried to keep pushing and contracting longer.  I did go to get a flu shot when he was a few weeks ago and maybe stepped in a radiology office. My sister told me there was no radiology there, but I left immediately.  i go over this stuff, over and over, and think what did I do?!?

Then, here's the great part-  I was blessed with the sweetest,most loving little boy I have met.  He is so smart.  He can't barely talked and he wants to count everything, points along at each item, as he looks at me counting. He knows every shape, even octagon.  He knows number 0-7 right now.  He knows a bunch of colors.  He kisses me nonstop.  He loves to read.  He has the greatest laugh and smile I ever saw/heard and he's my son.

So maybe I did not mess up....maybe I was blessed beyond measure, and for once everyone else looks at my son and thinks-- I want a kid like that!!  I always think if I got rid of the apraxia, who would I  have?  I don't want any other baby but mine.  I love him to a million pieces, and I am heading towards- I did not mess up, I totally lucked out.

:)