Wednesday, March 19, 2014
My Daily prayer
Every night before I go to bed, I plead God to have Landon be talking soon. I have repeated this prayer for at least the last year, and it's so hard sometimes in the morning when I get him out of his crib, and he can't say hi yet or much of anything. Typically, I do hear a mama or mom as i get him up, and I always smile inside, saying to him, you're right baby, I am your momma. It's a hard journey, days are long, and hard. I try to remember that this is a CHILDHOOD disorder, that at least the speech part should be caught up by age 8. I worry about the other areas he will struggle in because of this, but i can't really predict that. Many kids struggle in something; I just already know what our struggle will look like for the next few years. Then I pray for Logan. He is 11 months now and not babbling, not picking up food yet. I don't want him to have CAS of course, but there is a small part of me that thinks if they both have it, then it's definitely not my fault at all. Ugh. Logan is able to wave now and clap of course, which Landon could do and all around, they are very similar, but Landon was babbling a lot by now, just never varied syllables or even consonants. I will probably refer Logan for speech by 12 months. He has said Mama before now, and now he is crawling, pulling himself up, and trying to walk. He seems less stubborn than Landon. I just keep praying. Without a prayer, i would succumb to this darkness i feel. Luckily, Landon is good about letting us know what he needs and wants; I just want to know the other things- what does he feel? What does he think? what goes on in his mind? Time will tell. Lord help us all.