I spend a lot of time reading other people's thoughts. I read other blogs and think that sounds just like me, or feel like I could have written that also. My friend, Kate, has a great blog @ www.findingcoopersvoice.com She is honest and true. Her little guy, Cooper, has so many strengths that I can see, and I am sure the hardest part is the nonverbal part. He has ASD in addition to apraxia. Today she wrote about choosing him no matter what. I was crying when I read the last paragraph. I feel exactly the same way. Is time flying by here? no. Both my kids are delayed, both are frustrated, and it sucks. Am I missing out? Probably, but I know no different. It's life here. Will they be ok? yes. What does ok look like? I am not sure yet.
Would I choose Landon knowing this is the path we are taking? 1000000000% yes. He is just supposed to be mine. He gets me. it's hard to understand, but I get him. I am positive he was made just for me. We actually have a lot in common, and I am sure we will be good friends when he is an adult.
What about Logan? Would I pick him too? Absolutely. how could you say no? I did think Logi was going to be ok, but the damn motor planning sneaks up on you fast. I am getting more sad about him, thinking I thought he would be a good example for Landon, but instead, they will understand each other more. He brings out a lot of good in Landon too and he is so social and less held back by his circumstances. I would pick him too. I love that crazy hair, little face, great kisses, happy personality. I love that little boy.
This is a hard life. The days are so long here. My boys need me and I have to keep going for them, keep fighting for them, and I have to move them along. Lots of work to do.
But when you see their smiles and faces, you think to yourself, how could this ever be wrong. How could it ever be anything than this? and I don't know, to me, those boys are all I will ever need.