Landon in school

Landon started school.  honestly, where do I think is best with him is home with me.  I do believe that.  He is tired there a lot and there are a lot of demands on him.  Today his sheet said he is starting to smack the teacher.  I guess it hurts to see things like that on his paper.  Maybe I would rather not know. Yesterday said he interacted with peers 2x, today said also that he was interested in sand but did not engage in it.  I get that it is day 4, and not sure what I expect, but I guess, it is hard.  Mainly, it is really, really hard to get to that point of acceptance knowing this is what he needs and it is not going to be easy.  I keep saying this is what he needs, but I can still hate, cry, get mad, and feel totally cheated out of.  I was reading an old journal entry shortly after my mom died and something bad had happened and I was so angry at her that she did not protect me, that somehow she did not stop that from happening.  I have had similar thoughts since then, not anger, but I have this amazing guardian angel, and she knows this is hurting me, and she can't stop.  She can't make my kids talk.  It just is not fair.