Sunday, June 21, 2015

Where will this journey go?

I still struggle with guilt, that I did something to cause this, that I did not protect my kids.  I don't think looking back I ever did anything wrong, but I don't know.  It's not fair.  I am proud of myself.  I see myself as rising above, as working very, very hard.  I don't think most mothers could do this as well as me.  I am being honest.  In our own bubble, we are so happy here.  We are thrilled when Landon signs open.  We are so happy when Logi babbles.  I can't even explain.  It is just pride.  Then we have to go out and we see that our kids are not like the other kids.  And that part hurts a lot.  It's easier to be inside, but not fair or right. 

When will Landon start talking?  I don't know.

When will Logan talk?  I don't know

When will Landon be able to try something new without feeling so nervous?  I don't know.

When will Logan be able to use a spoon or not throw his food?  I don't know.

When will Landon be able to draw something and tell me what it is?  I don't know

When will Logan drink from a straw cup?  I don't know.

So many I don't knows.  So many this is so not fair.

Yet we have to keep going and we will.

We have to have faith.

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