Having a hard time

Lately, things are hard.  A few weeks ago, there was a good period.  I know it will be back again.  Where to start?  First, today is apraxia awareness day and I did wear blue and white, but celebrated quietly.  I know my son has apraxia.  I am 1000000% sure of it, but the evaluators would not listen and would not indicate in their report.  So I feel weird saying i know he does, when experts say maybe he does not.  But again I know he does.  He has all the signs.  Those who did his preschool evaluation feel he has ASD, I do not agree.  Am I in denial?   I don't think so, but my heads ends up hurting so much, that I can't keep track.  The psychologist came over last night to talk to me and said some pretty rude things... such as Landon is very difficult and he is lucky to have me, because others' couldn't handle him.  So not true.  He is happy and loved and we are the lucky ones.  She said he would have a hard life.  That's a bit of a jump to say too.  UGH
Anyways, he was observed at daycare for all these evaluations.  I should have had everyone come to my home, but the scheduling was so tight.
 Basically, the team said:
- he likes #5 too much
-he taps his hands sometimes
-he spun a toy
-he rolled a marker and sunblock
-he went on a different slide than the other kids did
-he made little eye contact with unfamiliar evaluators, but good relationships with his therapists and teachers
-he knows too much rote stuff
-he jargons-
-imitation skills are weak

I feel that all of this could be explained due to the apraxia, the sensory processing issues, and the global apraxia obviously.  It hurts, it feels overwhelming, and I will do nothing about it.  I will not pursue an evaluation.  We have 2 others in my family with apraxia.  My husband's IQ was 134 when he tested into the gifted program. He talked late and he teaches Math.  Let's give Landon a chance.  Let's support Landon where he is.

Now the CPSE is 6/4 and I don't know how I will sit through it without breaking down.


I love my son no matter what.  I think 2.5 is too quick to rush into anything and I want to increase the speech first.