The what ifs

On the bad days, when you hear about someone else's 3 year old taking off, or your kid has pneumonia, or you got hit 15 times ina  hour because you don't know what he wants, you think to yourself.... IS THIS IT?

It's scary.  I can usually get by with his sweet hugs, kisses, love for books, and happy attitude, and just remind myself, I am doing all I  can do, and he will work in his own time. 

Then the other part thinks Am I doing enough?  What else could I possibly do?  Why can't he make faster progress? Why do I have two kids with this?

The waiting is hard. It's hard to be patient when all you want is progress.  All you want are words.  It's hard to go to work everyday and just pray that your baby is working hard at school.  This journey is so so so hard. Then I look at my students here.  They are poor and they make progress.  Difference is they don't have a neurological condition but still, they move along.  Landon has to move along.  He is the smartest little boy I know. He just has to.

Somedays the what ifs take over and you feel totally blindsided by the sadness.  Undearneath all this, there is a sadness.  Our time will come, but for now, we hang on everyday, just doing the best we can.