The real bad moments

There are good and bad days, happy and sad moments.  There are things I do that I am ashamed to admit, or times I feel I could have done better.  Most importantly, I wake up everyday, gives the boys kisses and cuddles and tell them I love them.  I also always talk to Landon about one day you will be able to tell me what you want to, and we both won't want to cry.  I have had times where I have screamed at him, just say it, say what you want. I don't know what you want.  He has looked at me, his little green eyes brimming with tears, and I want to cry to, and I have sometimes.  I always give him a big hug afterwards, but there are definitely moments the frustration mounts, and you wish it was just easier, and not for me, I am an adult, I know pain and struggle, and it is ok. I just want it easier for THEM.  Yesterday we were all tired and crabby.  I was very annoyed, working hard to program a new AAC program and feel way over my head.  I guess mostly I am so unsure, but everyday I have to try to do the very best I can with what I know.