Landon's favorite word and Logan's first word

Last Friday, August 8th, I heard Logan's first word.  We were in the middle of his IFSP meeting and he came over to me, gave me a hug, and said "mama." I tried not to react like a lunatic because a lot of people were over, so I gave him a big hug and said, "you're right, mama." and I smiled of course.  The SLP said I have never heard him say that, and I said he has said it three times before like when he was eating, but not at me. She was pleased.  I have not heard it since, which is what apraxia is about, but I heard it, so I was very happy :)


Landon likes to say "yea." he is so cute when he says it.  Somedays it sounds different than other days, but anyways, if he really wants something, he will nod as he gives it to you or points, like come on say yes. so today, he handed me his ipad, and was nodding his head, saying yea, yea, yea, lol. made me laugh.

Those are my stories for today.

XO

Landon my sweetie

Landon can't talk well.  He has some words he can say well and some sounds he uses well and words tend to come and go still.  Some days he talks a lot, and other days, not so much.  That's how it works right now.  That is apraxia.  He is a happy boy.  He is a very smart boy.  One thing he is doing very well is social development.  This area is hard without speech.  Ever since he was little, everyone said wow he is so social.  They say the same thing about Logan now, even moreso than Landon, but in my head, I always think, wait till he can't talk and his peers can.  It makes it hard.  Both my boys love people and kids and being around others.  Both are always looking for attention.  Anyways, when Logi was born, Landon was just 18 months old.  He could not understand there was a baby coming, and pretty much, Aunt Loo Loo brought him home and Mommy had a baby there.  He ignored Logan in the beginning.  He could help me give him a bottle if I asked, but he just was there.  When he started moving, he became more interested, and now I can say that he loves him.  even if I ask do you love Logan, he nods yes.  He kisses him all the time and tries to engage him in play nonverbally. He always wants Logan to play chase, so he hides around the corner, comes out, tries to say something to him, and runs away.  Logan gets it, and he loves it.  When Logan catches him, Landon hugs and kisses him.  Landon is my hero.  He is so brave and he keeps trying.  He is truly the sweetest boy.

Logan's IFSP

Logan is 15 months.  He had his IFSP meeting yesterday.

He is now getting for 26 weeks/6months:

52 visits speech
40 visits PT
26 visits teacher/developmental therapist.

Many goals were set including increasing overall strength, get up from floor to a stand, climb over items in his environment, self feed all foods, use a straw and open cup, start speaking, pointing, increase core strength...

Overall, he has a good team and I am happy with what he is getting.

Onward we move....

The milestones mean more

It is true.  I am sure every parent delights over their kids first word, first steps, first everything, but not like us.  I know it can't be true.  I STILL smile inside whenever I see Landon put cheerios in his mouth.  I remember how I worked for at least 3-4 months on picking up those tiny things and coordinating getting them to his mouth.  I still know the day he did it on 11/11/12.  I was so proud.  Logan started self feeding this week also- on 8/4/14!  Logan is now a walker.  Today I picked him up from daycare and he didn't see me, but he had stood up on something and took steps to the fence and then just left the play area and walked to the door to get in.  It was so far and off he went.  i was grinning so big.  I know how hard that little low tone body is working and I am so proud.  I then went to get Landon who was doing hard work with playdoh and digging things out of them.  He gave me a big hug and sat back down to work.  HOW AMAZING IS HE!  The moments mean more, yes they do, and this momma is so proud of my two perfect little men.

I do it all

This is not to make myself feel good, or to list everything I am doing, but to have two kids getting services is exhausting.  My husband does not get it at all.  I just do it, there is no thank you, there is no questioning, or asking, or even reading their notebooks.  I do it all.  I mean, all.  I am pissed at him and just hung up the phone.  I set up a meeting with a potential nanny for the fall for Landon for MWF, to pick him up at school, take him to her house for a nap, and be picked up.  I had to get my cousin to help me last Friday so I could take Landon to the meeting-- Alex had a three day, all day long, golf tournament.  Do you think I got a thank you for watching the boys, or a you did a great job with them... ummmm, no.  It's expected.  I have to set up a secondary meeting with this lady, Julie, who gave me paperwork to fill out.  Who filled it out?  ME.  She said either Wed at 12:30 or Thurs at 8.  I already set up Logan's 6 month review-- oh wait, who called the service coordinator and two therapists for that?? me.  Who wrote out goals for Logan? me.  anyways that is Friday at 12:30 and my husband complained that it was then because he just gets off work, so I picked Thurs at 8 to meet with Julie at my house.  My husband has golf league Thursdays, which he leaves for at 1.... so it's not that 8 o'clock is not 7 hours already of golf, but he flipped out, says he will not rush back, etc.  So I just said it's thurs at 8, it's for landon, and I am getting very sick of this, and I hung up.  To be honest, that's one reason I keep working... if this doesn't work out long term with us, I need to make sure I have a plan for me. and I am telling you, being selfish and unappreciative is not making me happy.  HOW ABOUT thank you for setting this up, finding this lady, etc, and I will try my best to be home because I know it is important for Landon.

And this week alone and let's see it is TUESDAY!!!

I have:
-written two notes for the therapists in the notebook
-talked to Juliet
-talked to PT 2x
-left voicemail for craniosacral therapy
-set up private ot
-spoke to two private SLPs
-filled out paperwork for the fall
-Spoke to Landon's OT
-3-4 emails/phone calls to set up the music therapy eval, which is now next week
-spoke to Landon's support teacher for the fall, that was a long phone call.
-set up nanny apt

Give me a flippin' break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grief

This feeling is grief.  i have been in some kind of mourning since May 2000, when my mom was diagnosed with cancer.  I did not really understand much of what was happening then, but my whole life was turned upside down and we spent 6 years living appointment to appointment, in and out of the hospital, surgeries, losing hair, seeing my mom in so much pain, etc.  Those were happy and sad years and we did the best we could.  After my mom died, I feel like I just stood in perpetual grief.  For the first few months, I know I was completely numb.  I couldn't sleep, or I slept all day, and I could not concentrate on anything.  I started to come out of that when I met Alex, but the pain was not really dealt with- how can it be? Grief is ongoing.  When I had Landon, I felt alive again.  The first year was magical, amazing, just what I thought parenthood would be.  I was pregnant with Logan before i was really worried, and now for the past two years, I teter on the edge almost everyday.  I always feel on the brink of tears, my mind does not turn off, and I am working so, so hard on everything, now times 2.  Laura is at the apraxia bootcamp and she said they discussed grief and the pain this diagnosis involves with a family and some SLPs were not aware.  It is so hard.  I wake up and pray for my kids, I go to bed and pray, and much like other parents, I just want the best for them, but this time period is not easy at all.  It is not carefree, and I am often just sitting on the edge, praying to keep it together for another day. repeat again, repeat, throw in work, trying to maintain a marriage, sleep, clean... it's impossible.  You do the best you can.  I do it all for my kids, and I want no regrets.  Grief is powerful.  I know the other side, because I saw it for a brief period in the last 14 years, and I will get there again...

delight in each step-- the phoneme /p/

P, B, M, are pretty much the first consonants, since they are formed with your lips and kids can see parents use them.  Landon had an /M/ by 4 months, /b/ was maybe 19 months, and /p/ was just recently.  His favorite thing right now is the vowel /ee/ with /p/ and /b/ so pee pee and bee bee/.  I love it. I know how hard he has worked to get here!! Go Landon!!